If you can dodge death, you can dodge a ball!

After a very traumatic week of worry and stress, my hernia operation has been and gone. Today is Good Friday and it is a Good Friday. It's now 2 days since the operation and I'm alive! Sore. But alive.
So let's go through all this. We got to Nottingham City Hospital for 0730 on the 27th. Fairly easy to find and at that time, easy to park too so that was a bonus. Totally bonkers nurse on the desk made me feel very welcome and within 10 mins I was led through to get ready. Myself and another chap (nice bloke, retired IT consultant) headed for the changing rooms to don our gowns and paper pants (nice!) then through to the male waiting area. We compared operations. This other bloke was in for gall bladder. I didn't dare say anything to him about my previous. I know it's a different hospital but he was probably nervous enough!

I was then called through to meet the anaesthetist:
"have you read my previous notes from Lincoln?" says I.
"no, would you like to tell me..." she flicks through the smaller pile of notes to find some info....."you've had a.....and a..... good grief you're lucky to be alive! Lincoln is not *coughs* a good hospital. Fantastic ICU but otherwise.....hmm, yes..."
and so we had a chat about the fabulous ICU and who we knew.

It turns out I'm to be 'done' at about 1030. Well, that slipped in typical hospital style and I ended up being last of the morning lot, the gall bladder chap went through at about 1100 and I was called in at 1215 by Mr Ubhi himself. Real nice bloke. Very chatty, went out of his way to talk to me. Before I knew it I was in the theatre with the anaesthetist slapping a vein up!
"veins are not very good Phil"
"tell that to my wife. She's a flabotomist!! Am I supposed to be feeling woozy......zzzzzzzzz"
And that was it. Out. Next thing I know I'm on the ward in a body hugger(?) as my temperature is a bit low. It was over. Everything went as planned. THANK GOD FOR THAT!

"we'll check your temp etc and hopefully get you off home....ooo your pulse is a bit low" (the machine that does HR and blood pressure kept setting off an alarm)
"what, about 50 ish... That's normal for me."
"oh, is you afletic then?" (honest, that is what she said!!)
"well, I do a bit of cycling if that's what you mean." "fine, you're fit to go. I'll check with the anaesthetist and get your medicines. Is your wife about? I'll go fetch her for you while you get dressed."

Meanwhile the second of the 'afternoon boys' gets wheel in from his op... The first chap was already back from his knee operation and now the next one was back... He'd told us he'd got a hernia in one of his testicles..."swelled up to this big" (I'll leave that bit to your imagination!)- he was still under and looked a bit pale. Not really surprising eh?!

And so we were all done. Helen brought the car round and we set off into the Nottingham rush hour traffic.

Since being home all sorts of things have gone through my head. I'm glad to say most of it positive, brought on by a positive experience at the hospital I assume. The pain is not good and I'm struggling but that is to be expected. The anaesthetic has pretty much worn off- that was making me really groggy. I guess the worst bit now is having to stop myself doing stuff and relying on the others. I've probably said it before but I'm not so good at sitting about. Looks like I shall have to force myself because I need this to heal correctly and strongly. The one thing I feel was missing from Nottingham was any advice about the dos and don'ts now I am out. What can I do now? What can I do in a week? Is there anything I should be doing to help the healing process apart from rest? Even if it was someone simply saying do nowt for 10 days then do lots of walking... That would be of use because I'd have a target. Anyway, for now I'm happy enough shuffling about getting in the way. Already missing my bike especially cos the weathers picked up a bit but the worst bit.... Well the worst bit is..... I've not had a poo for 3 days and I'm scared of straining against my new stitches!

So, next stop for me on this blog? That'll be the sepsis convention down that London. It's all written up...I'll keep you posted.

ADDENDUM:
Ok so today, Saturday I've overdone it. There. I've admitted it. I'm stupid. I woke at 6- couldn't get back to sleep and so I've been shuffling round the house ever since. It's now 2130 and I'm feverish, tired, dizzy, tummy hurts :(
Helen has properly told me off... Not taking my meds regularly (morning and night is regular isn't it?) not having a lie down and generally getting in the way. Ok so I decided to sort out the DVDs today (like you do) maybe that wasn't the best thing to do.
So beginning tonight I'm doing as my nursey wife tells me. Tomorrow should be easy as its the Tour of Flanders....5 hrs of cycling on the telly. YAY!
I'm hoping my kids will be doing the Sunday roast, so all bases are covered.
To be completely honest this recuperating is really boring. I've been so bored today. Bored, bored, bored. Must try and behave ;-)

the bruising since this was taken is horrendous!

Year End?

My dearest reader, I'm so sorry to have ignored you for SO long!

This, I assure you, is a good thing: If I've not written in here, things must be okay. Well, thinking back over the last 3 months, I guess they have been fairly normal for me... maybe uneventful would be a better description.

Well, like a rolling snowball, things are gathering is size and now speed and I sit here at 3.28 am in a hotel room typing for your entertainment as my head is filled with crap again.
To explain and list wtf is going on...

1. just ran the Gainsborough 10k last weekend
2. been writing my speech for the Sepsis Conference
3. working like a Trojan
4. another event this weekend...hopefully
5. my operation is T minus 5 days and counting

Right that's my list of what I need to discuss to bring you back up to speed. Looking at it, there is more on there than I expected so here goes!

So, Gainsborough 10k. Lovely little run and an event I am recommending to anyone who enjoys a good 10k. I will go so far as to say it is a better event than the Lincoln 10k and I think it's strength is in it's size. There's about 800 runners on this course so for all you competitive types, a PB is extremely possible on this course. What is enjoyable about it is that it's run by enthusiasts and not 'people out to make money from an event'- organised and run (excuse the pun) by runners for runners which is how it should be. It's now in its second year and yes improvements have been made PLUS it didn't rain this year which is always a bonus! So, how did I get on I hear you ask... wellllllll, I've not done much running this year. In fact I've only run once since the Santa Run and that was a few weeks ago now... boy were my thighs stiff afterwards. Cycling and running DEFINITELY use different muscle groups! OUCH! I've been out alot, so I have been keeping my fitness up, just more cycling than running. Having said that if I'm honest I don't feel as fit as I should do purely because

• I'm not spinning or at the gym at the moment because of my bloody hernia and
• the weather on the whole this year has been so awful hasn't it. I think we've had possibly 2 maybe 3 days for decent weather at weekends to get out properly without either sleet and crazy winds (and yes, I've cycled in both- I don't recommend it but as I always tell myself, it's good training weather!)

So, back to Gainsborough- weather was looking dodgy but it held out as did I. With my compression top on yet again (I'll talk about these later) I'd also picked up some recovery tights. Again, these are a compression thing which are supposed to aid recovery of muscles etc after running or whatever. Looking at the reviews they seemed to work and alot of people were recommending them. So because I'd not trained as much (running, that is) I reckon these will help for the rest of the week... and they did. They seemed to make a massive difference, so if you're considering compression recovery tights- go for it. they aren't cheap but worth every penny. The ones I got are Skins RY400.

This year I ran on my own which is fine. I just plug my iPod in and off I go. Just on the subject of iPods- usually i'd use my iPhone but since upgrading to the 5 and it being a bigger phone, this is getting less possible so I now take a Shuffle. Apple's phone needs to shrink not get bigger...it'll soon be the same size as and iPad...sorry, off topic there.

Anyway, great run, very enjoyable. Better than the Lincoln 10 as it's not crowded. Okay the views are not the same but it is nice to run in the countryside plus no cobbles!! As for my time, I managed 1 hr 15 secs. Happy with that plus I felt good. Due to lack of training I was a little apprehensive how I'd do, but all was good PLUS a great finishers bag at the end. Now, these can vary in quality. 'Big' races for example will give you a medal, bottle of water and a load of crap from cheapskate sponsors. This bag was well thought out: medal, leaflets from local businesses, water, running gloves (brilliant!) Mini Cheddars, Mars bar and I'm sure other small items- really well thought out!

Just as a note and a bit of a self indulgent one, this event was the first event that literally no one wished me luck. Now, I usually post something on Facebook which I did- beginning and end and not a single 'like' or sarcastic comment.... I was a bit upset to tell you the truth. Even my bloody daughters couldn't be arsed! Never mind eh it's only Dad slogging his guts out again. The fact that I do this to stay alive is neither here nor there. Focus Phil... remember, your'e doing this for YOU, not them.... am I?

Right, moving on or in my case, limping on- despite the compression tights, legs have been bloody stiff for the last couple of days and an impromptu 30 miles out on the bike because the weather was nice, probably didn't help! Well, I'd a couple of hours free and so had a mate of mine so off we went! It was also an opportunity to clear my head as I'd been writing my speech for the Sepsis Conference and I was bringing up all sorts of demons and making me upset one minute, angry the next. I've never written a 20-25 minute speech before. Thank goodness I have this blog to refer to or so much detail would have gone. Well, not exactly, it would have just taken  twice as long to put the speech together.

I'd got a large chunk of it written a week or two ago and I'd asked a [trusted] friend to have a look to make sure I wasn't spouting a load of rubbish. I didn't want to show Helen yet as I was embarrassed plus I didn't want to upset her as well as me. Frank gave the first bit the green light saying keep going. It's a nice honest style and should hit them between the eyes. Good! That was what I wanted and I hope it does. So last week I tried to finish it and I couldn't. As I looked at the page all the words just jumbled up. I didn't think I could finish it. I turned my computer off. Nearly Phil Crow was back. Grumpy. Can't sleep. Crying. Oh joy!

Returning to the speech after the 10k I managed to complete it but I was a mess. All sorts of memories had been stirred up. Do I really need to put myself through this again? Well, yes. This is for the cause. This is for all the people sepsis and hospitals and shit surgeons have killed. For the families that have lost people to this condition and for all the consultants that don't understand. Hang on though. Do they actually want to understand? Do they want to listen to what I have to say? Do they care enough? Well, I do and I'm gonna give it a bloody good go at shaking them up. Back to the tale and I decided to ring Lynn and get her opinion. This was the first time I'd read it out loud. Yes I felt embarrassed. I cried alot. I didn't think I'd manage and I certainly began to have second thoughts. BUT having discussed it with Lynn and a couple of edits, it began to come together. So much so, I read it to Helen and I managed to get through to the penultimate paragraph with no tears. I didn't dare look up at her though. Not 'til I'd finished! So with that, my biography and abstract written, I seem to be ready. I just hope they are. Also, with all that the speech has brought up, I've begun to bang on about sepsis quite alot on Twitter. Over the last few weeks I've really gone for it on this, PTSD, ICU and so on. Dunno what's got into me. Think I need to bloody well cheer up that's what I reckon. Nearly Phil Crow is back as the sepsis bore. Only my closest friends are prepared to put up with me so I've kind of withdrawn quite a bit and with my every waking moment filled with the thought of next weeks operation, I try to function in the 'normal' world as if everything is normal.

Okay, so work. this is tied in with the operation. What i mean is because I've got to take most of April off I've been trying to prepare for this so I've been working as much as I can and luckily the work has been there. It's not been easy at all. My job can be very physical and so to compensate for the hernia in an attempt to function normally, not rely on others and not make said hernia worse, compression tops have made all the difference.

Shameless plug and I'm sadly not on commission BUT if anyone out there wants a recommendation, get the Equmen ones. I use the vests and they are brilliant. Even their size guide is accurate! Whilst I'm on this topic, for cycling and running I use an old Castelli long sleeve base layer which has some compression (sorry, no link to this as it's years old and not made any more) and a Skins A200 long sleeve compression top. Note- make sure you shop around. the Skins products are expensive but you'll find cheaper prices on Ebay, Amazon etc. Don't go for other makes- these are expensive for a reason... they work and they work well!

Back to the work and I'm completing as much as I can...March is always a steady month as alot of companies are using up end of year budgets. What i'm trying not to do is take on anything for after the operation... well look what happened last time and I don't want to tempt fate. (I have committed to the Sepsis Conference and that's mid April- think I need to ask someone to deputise for me just in case) Having said that I've been approached to do a number of commissions already for late April and beyond.... as usual i say "yes" because I can't afford not to: if I don't, people go elsewhere and don't necessarily come back! Vicious circle!! BUT, what state am I going to be in? I have no idea how I will be after this op. I don't know when I'll be in any sort of state to do anything...work, cycle...even just function day to day. It's a complete unknown and I am shit scared. No, really, you have no idea how scared I am. Scared of the hospital, scared of the operation, scare of the outcome, scared of dying, scared of surviving, scared of getting better, scared of how I will be, scared of when I'll be allowed to cycle again, scared I'll get no backup from the hospital with physio, scared to know when I'll be fit for work! There. I've said it. Is that enough for you!

I sem to have skipped point 4. This is because it's sort of linked to the above rant insomuch as my almost obsession with keeping my strength to survive the operation. The Cheshire Cat is the first cycle event of the year and this year is no exception PLUS there are 5 of us going. Hang on, no, now there are 4...Andy's back is knackered and he's not allowed to cycle for more than an hour at a time- doctor's orders..... it seems we're all falling apart! The latest news is the event has now been POSTPONED to July! FFS!!! Don't they realise I NEED to do this ride. For my sanity. For my fitness. For my life! Ok, ok, clam! The reason it's postponed is bad weather so it makes sense. I'm just so pissed off with the weather at the moment as it really is stopping me/us getting some miles in our legs and if I don't get some miles in my legs I can't clear my head. Yes, I go on the turbo but I can only manage up to an hour whereas out on the road...well, it's different. The road is what it's all about.

So, that seems to be you updated. It's now 5am and I'm gonna sign off. I'm currently sat in a hotel room in Grantham as I'm working here in the morning so I'd better get some kip, though it'll probably be dozing in front of the news. No doubt you will hear from me within the week. If you don't, assume the worst...