Sorry to any eager followers but not had chance or inclination to post for some time. I hope this means I've not needed to and therefore I'm improving....? Hmmm, jury's out on that one.
So, what's been going on... We'll plenty. Plenty of work (luckily) and plenty of cycling (hooray!)
I've ridden a few events this year which were repeats of last year. I did the Ride with Brad event again and my opinion has not changed.... Effing hard work and totally relentless. This time, ridden with my partner in crime, Jon who, I'm pleased to say 'enjoyed' it as much as I did. No doubt we'll be back next year.
In between all this we (me and my daughters, Alex and Scarlett) ran the London 10k again. Think this will be my last... Fancy a different city for a change. This one we billed as "one dad, two daughters" and we were raising money for Scarlett's charity, SCF. In fact, she's doing a charity tandem skydive TODAY!!!!... I'm such a lucky dad to have such fantastic kids :) She had perfect weather and a great time raising over £700
Also rode the Cat and Fiddle. This has to be one of my faves now: it's back in my home town, weather was good and it finishes at a bike shop! Brilliant!! Yet again, the same photographer was attempting to rip off all riders... This chap seriously needs to rethink his prices. Oh we'll, not my problem.
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| this is from another ride "Le petit grand prix" |
Speaking of rip offs, allow me to mention the
London 100. This event has piggy backed of the British cycling success of 2012. This is a good thing. The route is based on the Olympic circuit and takes in Box Hill, finishing on the royal mile on closed roads. In fact it's a full weekend of cycling which has to be brilliant. It was ballot entry and I was lucky enough to get a ticket. However, due to my hernia I had to pass and defer my place to 2014. Great. Guaranteed entry for next year. Yes, but at a price. Not only did I pay £45+ for 2013 entry but I've had to pay again for 2014.... This is a bit of a liberty but I guess that's life. Not overly impressed so I'm hoping the event will be a stunner.
Speaking of stunners, plans are now set to ride
Paris-Roubaix. Hotel booked, just waiting to book places to do the ride. This will be a great weekend assuming I don't kill myself on the pavé as the following day, the pros take to the cobbles, so we ride then get to watch. I've even persuaded Andy and Jon to ride. Brilliant!!!
Okay so that's the fun stuff. What's going on health wise I hear you ask. Well, hmm, where to begin. A few weeks ago I returned to the docs as I thought (and I'm still not sure) that my hernia has returned. Pain and a definite lump. Now, I have lost a bit of weight so maybe this is a factor, but it just doesn't feel right. The GP I saw is one I can trust and she says it's NOT a hernia just scar tissue under the skin. No surgeon would really want to open me up there as it'll be a right sticky mess (nice!) and I should maybe pop back in a month so she can check again if anything is occurring. The drain sites are still pulling (adhesions) but it all just feels really uncomfy. Maybe it's because of my exercise too. Am I overdoing it? No, no more than usual. Am I carrying too much stuff? Probably but, what can I do- I have to do my job ffs. She said, if it's not comfy or I'm worried, I should wear my compression tops. Hang on, the point of having it mended was so I didn't have to wear them! So, I carry on regardless. Is it worrying me. Yes but it's not on my mind all the time.
As for my head, what's going on there.... Well, where to begin. I'm all over the place at the moment (which is probably why I'm blogging now)
A few weeks ago, I did my 'talk' to a group of third year critical care nurses about my time in hospital and how it effected me and the family. This was at Anglian Ruskin University, Chelmsford campus. Pam Page, the senior lecturer had heard me do this some months ago in London and asked me to speak to her students. Brilliant. No problem.
So, a short edit, a practice and advice from a trusted friend (thanks Nancie) one PowerPoint slide and I was off. Amazing the different questions I was asked to the previous talk. Obviously being [new] nurses! they wanted information on what a patient expects from a nurse. I'd had a bit of a think about this and the one thing that always came to me was that an ICU nurse needs to be so dedicated. Wiping someone's arse and doing almost everything for them takes a special person. As a patient, it is SO degrading having to allow this to be done and if you get a nurse who really doesn't want to do it, you can spot them within seconds of them being assigned to you. It's obvious (assuming one is conscious of course!) and it makes it worse. An ICU nurse needs to be able to keep talking even though the patient might not be able to respond. I always loved the nurses talking about anything when they were about: it really breaks the monotony of the days in there; they need to be able to be great with family too as they are going through it just as much as the patient... If not more so!
I enjoyed the Q&A more than delivering the talk. I guess, it feels more informal which I prefer. I think they 'enjoyed' it. More importantly, I hope they learned something from it.
Feedback from the students was...
"The students were very grateful for your very honest insights through your critical illness journey and they have evaluated it as one of the highlights of their course so far."
Meanwhile, more medical information gets discovered. Have a look at these links:
So, the initial ERCP culminating in all my illnesses could have been possibly avoided if antibiotics had been administered before the procedure. And this info was available at the time.
You know it gets to a point where I get information overload. Where as it winds my wife up, I simply cannot process it any more. It doesn't matter not to me. I'm alive and I need to focus on that. I have to focus on controlling my PTSD. This is all that matters. Keep sane. Keep calm. Keep riding my bike. Keep focused.
Having said that, the occasional 'bump' occurs. I had flashbacks again a few months ago during all the hot weather.mi was on an event... the Cheshire Cat (normally in March but postponed to July due to the snow) and I bonked. Badly. I overloaded on water which caused me to flashback to ICU and the tube I had and the insatiable thirst I felt. It was all consuming and really effected me. Thanks to Jon and Mark for looking after me and helping me over the last 10 miles... Great, great mates. I owe you.
I had a few more incidents like that in the following weeks but nowhere near as bad.mon each occasion, I rang Helen. This is the deal. I tell her. I tell her what's going on in my head and try to talk myself out of it. It helps. It's not a cure but it does help and gives me room to cope.
With the possible return of the hernia, I nearly flipped again. It becomes all consuming. It takes over. I hope the GP is right and all is okay. It's reassuring speaking to a Quack you trust and it helps allay a lot of my paranoia. Just hope she is right. Time will tell.
"OMG look at this!" She says.
Jesus Christ. Not another. And it's Lincoln and... What, I'm mentioned?!
Needless to say, we have got in touch and we have met. We even have mutual friends! We spoke very briefly last Saturday. I have no idea if Jorg wants to meet again. I have no idea if we can be of help to each other. All I do know is he knows all about me because of this blog (which is a bit weird but I guess that's why I write this rant! To try and help others. To try and take some of the worry out of a shit situation. To show that you are not alone)
To be honest, I'm actually surprised anyone has read any of this crap!!
Anyway, that's enough for now. There will be more as the 'verdict' to my medical negligence is looming. The news is not looking good but I'll be doing one of my 'let's take a look at how this has gone' dissections.... well, it wouldn't be right for 'Mr PTSD' to allow the opportunity to pass without some sort of rant. Would it.
