Read All About It

I wanna sing, I wanna shout,

I wanna scream till the words dry out.

So put it in all of the papers, I’m not afraid,

They can read all about it, read all about it

Okay, I'm not Emily Sandé and I didn't sing but the sentiment is right. Yesterday I got up and said it as it is and told a room full of consultants, paramedics, nurses and medical professionals a patient's experience of dealing and coping with the reality and following fallout caused by critical illness.
As you know dear reader, I was invited to speak at Saving Lives-Sepsis Conference down in the Big Smoke. You'll notice in the above paragraph I did not say sepsis. Sepsis is not a thing on its own. Certainly in my case, it's one part of a very bigger jigsaw and you need all the pieces to show the whole picture: how it all began, hospital, home, coping..... ultimately everything that is contained within this blog. This is something that I had always kind of wanted to do. "Just put me in a room full of doctors and I'll bloody tell them how it is. They have no idea!" and that is sort of true. They don't have any idea. Once you leave the hospital, they have to move on to the next case. I guess they cannot take an active interest in every patient BUT they do need to know what can happen and how lives are effected. Enter Phil Crow, soap box under my arm!
Putting my 20-25 mins together was quite difficult emotionally. Thank goodness I have this blog to refer to as bits would have been forgotten or possibly more traumatic in redressing in conversation with the family. This was always something I needed to put together on my own, then and only then, bounce it off a couple of trusted friends (thank you Frank, Lynn, Simon and of course, my Helen) edit and go again. The first time I read it out loud I couldn't stop crying. Bloody hell Phil, pull yourself together! Wow, this is gonna be more difficult than I thought. Ok, read it to a few more people and you'll desensitise yourself to it. That sort of worked. So I got the text complete and me 'desensitised' before I went into hospital for the hernia operation. I'd made Aggi, my Lincoln sister, promise that if anything happened during the operation that she would go and read this out for me. Good. Sorted. Off to Nottingham.
Right, that seems to have gone well, I'll be fine doing the presentation myself. The day before going, I checked over the text, made a couple of changes and read it out loud on my own. Not too bad. Note to self - look up a bit more! In the afternoon I read it out to my very good mate, Simon who does alot of presenting. I blubbed. I wasn't supposed to but I got caught on a couple of bits and choked. "brilliant" he said. You need some of that. It makes it more real, more you and that is why you're doing this... It has to be emotional. I guess he was right. Amongst a day of clinical presentations and the possibility of 'death by PowerPoint' my bit was to be heartfelt and on the day, it was.
Petrified in the build up and listening to Ron Daniels opening presentation, I got more and more nervous. Listening to him introducing me (slightly embarrassing as I'm not very good about blowing my own trumpet, or anyone else blowing it for me...so to speak!) nerves just disappeared, I got up and got on with it. Looking up was not as difficult as I thought. Looking at the audience they actually seemed attentive. Yes, I choked WAY more times than I expected but it was genuine. By the end I was almost in tears. Blimey. Was that okay then?
And then it was over and on to a small Q&A followed by coffee break.
Feedback was actually quite humbling. The majority of it was something like "that was brilliant. I could not have got up and done that!" Jeez, someone even used the word 'inspirational' again. I really do not feel inspirational at all. All I wanted was to drill it into their heads what survivors of sepsis and their families have to go through and how we are treated by the outside world (by that I mean by insurance companies, self employed/sick pay etc) and how, even years later counselling may still be needed and the effect on the family unit. I think they got the message.
Twitter was also buzzing under the hash tag #sepsis2013 all day, and I got a couple over very kind remarks:

Best of luck to good mate @digitalcrow who's giving a speech at #Sepsis Conference today

@digitalcrow Thanks for an inspiring talk from the patient's perspective #Sepsis2013

#sepsis2013 Emotional talk given by sepsis survivor, hitting home how sepsis can impact on people's lives, thank you. @WeParamedics

A most humbling & inspiring story of surviving sepsis from @digitalcrow #sepsis2013

After listening to @digitalcrow story today, this quote I read via @skram at #TEDMED resonates "recruit the heart and then train the brain"

Thank you @SepsisUK @digitalcrow @MicrobLog_me_uk for the excellent presentations today. Informative & thought provoking #Sepsis2013

Hugely proud of my inspirational friend @digitalcrow for telling it like it is @SepsisUK today

So there you go. That was the day I got the opportunity to tell it as it is. Do I feel better for it? I think so. I'm glad I did it. Would I do it again? Depends on who the audience is and if it would help make a difference. Ha, a room full of insurance companies would be good. Sepsis... No a critical illness?!...Shame on you! Financial Ombudsman.... PTSD, not exceptional circumstances?!.... shame on you as well! Bastards.

There will me a paragraph to follow. Apparently my presentation will be evaluated from questionnaires that all delegates at the conference fill out. Good or bad, I promise to post results for your delectation. Watch this space!

1 June and I'm finally posting the comments... unedited, as I got them!

1. How did you rate the conference?

	Sepsis	Sepsis %
Excellent	5	63%
Good	3	38%
Average	0	0%
Poor	0	0%
Very Poor	0	0%
Total	0	101%

6 Thank you for such a motivational event

2. How did you rate the individual sessions? Please rate each speaker and session on a scale of 1 to 5 (with 5 being very good and 1 being poor). 

Speaker	Presentation Skills Rating					Subject Content Rating
Phil Crow	1	2	3	4	5	1	2	3	4	5
	0	0	1	5	6	0	0	0	1	11
	0%	0%	8%	42%	50%	0%	0%	0%	8%	92%
Comments:	2 Moving.  Pat perspective always important 4 My main reason for attending today was to re-motivate me to continue my sepsis journey.  Phil’s story has given me this 8 Powerful

6. What topics would you like to see covered at future conferences?

Maternal/paed sepsis/obstetric difficulties

Future challenges – eg multiple drug resistance

Manual obs – back to basics

Intentional rounding – do we have to prescribe care?

Nurse prescr vs accurate drug admin

When sepsis can be managed in community

Major trauma network ops

8. What was your overall impression of the conference?

2 Hopefully will give my trust the impetus to introduce a pn (?) hosp screening tool

3 Excellent – motivational and inspirational speakers and topic – flowed well

5 V good speakers.  Informative and from a wide range of specialities

6 V much enjoyed whole event.  I have learnt many points from the various speakers.  I am really excited about the future of our abilities to treat sepsis more effectively

10 V relevant to practice

The twelve days of boredom

Today is my twelfth day since the incisional hernia operation. On the whole I'm now beginning to believe its gone well... This has only come about due to the reassurance of a phone call from the team that patched me up at City Hospital, Nottingham.
"To save you a journey, we'll do the follow up consultation over the phone. We'll give you a call on the 8th in the afternoon. Okay?"
And boy did I have questions this afternoon!
For the last few days I had managed to convince myself it had gone wrong.
"Helen, what's this lump? Is it supposed to look like that? Should my scar feel hard like that? Etc etc"
So when they rang I blurted all my woes down the phone. 5 mins later I'm like 'hey, what's up, nothing wrong here!!!'... Well, sort of.... You get the idea.
The thing is when it's gone wrong in the past, all sorts of things go through your head and with nothing to reference what do us idiots do.... We Google it.
My ex mother-in-law ...and we are talking before the days of Internet... Had one of those medical dictionaries and was always looking stuff up... And she usually 'had' whatever it was.. You know, rabies and the like (!!!!!!) ....and Google is now the replacement dictionary for, well, everything I guess.
I had always vowed never to look up such medical things but now.... Ok, incisional hernia... I need information and I need it NOW!.... Christ, I wished I hadn't. There's never anything positive that comes on page one of the search. It's always the gore and the things-gone-wrong scenarios when all I want to know is should I have a lumpy bit a week after surgery.
Meanwhile, back to today on the phone...
"is it sausage shaped just under the scar."
"YES!" *within a nanosecond, I'm thinking...OMFG that's it, it's all gone wrong!!*
"Oh that's good. Perfectly normal and that will disperse over the weeks."
"phew" *collapses* "Ok,ok, I've got some more questions.... When can I swim, when can I get on my bike, when can I work, when can I have a bath, what can I do...IM SO BORED!"
"Well, you sound like you are coming along nicely. You can have a bath, nothing else, no exercise other that walking, no lifting, no work."
"Erm, I've got a turbo trainer with my bike on it. Can I not just have a..."
"NO... Not for another 4 weeks! You don't want to relapse do you?!... You can swim after the end of this month but take it easy. Now, I'm going to sign you off but that doesn't mean you can't ring whenever you want. Okay?!"
"Erm, yeah, brilliant. Thanks!"
Lincoln had never been that courteous when I came out. To be honest, I think they were just glad I actually was able to walk out and probably too large sigh of relief!
So, dear reader, what I guess this is all leading to is my large sigh of relief in so much as everything is going okay. I have had my proverbial wrist slapped by the Doc so I know my targets and I guess I just need to get out for a stroll every day.
My only other worry and to be fair, it isn't a worry any more, it's just nerves, is speaking at the Sepsis Conference next week. As much as I am nervous about standing in front of a room full of consultants and the like, I'm sort of looking forward to it. I've a feeling I'll learn something, just as much as they will.

Thought I'd just do a quick update to inform you all exactly how BORDED I am. This recovery is no fun at all. All I am allowed to do is sit, lie, sleep, eat, toilet (once it all starts working) and occasionally walk. I now have the privilege of driving. Woohoo. So where do we go on the first journey out...McDonalds...we know how to live. Christ, Maccy Dee followed by Office World!!
I'm not good at sitting still as I'm finding out. I guess that is the trouble when one is quite active BUT I know I need to chill for another 4 weeks. I might have pulled all my hair out by then...

If you can dodge death, you can dodge a ball!

After a very traumatic week of worry and stress, my hernia operation has been and gone. Today is Good Friday and it is a Good Friday. It's now 2 days since the operation and I'm alive! Sore. But alive.
So let's go through all this. We got to Nottingham City Hospital for 0730 on the 27th. Fairly easy to find and at that time, easy to park too so that was a bonus. Totally bonkers nurse on the desk made me feel very welcome and within 10 mins I was led through to get ready. Myself and another chap (nice bloke, retired IT consultant) headed for the changing rooms to don our gowns and paper pants (nice!) then through to the male waiting area. We compared operations. This other bloke was in for gall bladder. I didn't dare say anything to him about my previous. I know it's a different hospital but he was probably nervous enough!

I was then called through to meet the anaesthetist:
"have you read my previous notes from Lincoln?" says I.
"no, would you like to tell me..." she flicks through the smaller pile of notes to find some info....."you've had a.....and a..... good grief you're lucky to be alive! Lincoln is not *coughs* a good hospital. Fantastic ICU but otherwise.....hmm, yes..."
and so we had a chat about the fabulous ICU and who we knew.

It turns out I'm to be 'done' at about 1030. Well, that slipped in typical hospital style and I ended up being last of the morning lot, the gall bladder chap went through at about 1100 and I was called in at 1215 by Mr Ubhi himself. Real nice bloke. Very chatty, went out of his way to talk to me. Before I knew it I was in the theatre with the anaesthetist slapping a vein up!
"veins are not very good Phil"
"tell that to my wife. She's a flabotomist!! Am I supposed to be feeling woozy......zzzzzzzzz"
And that was it. Out. Next thing I know I'm on the ward in a body hugger(?) as my temperature is a bit low. It was over. Everything went as planned. THANK GOD FOR THAT!

"we'll check your temp etc and hopefully get you off home....ooo your pulse is a bit low" (the machine that does HR and blood pressure kept setting off an alarm)
"what, about 50 ish... That's normal for me."
"oh, is you afletic then?" (honest, that is what she said!!)
"well, I do a bit of cycling if that's what you mean." "fine, you're fit to go. I'll check with the anaesthetist and get your medicines. Is your wife about? I'll go fetch her for you while you get dressed."

Meanwhile the second of the 'afternoon boys' gets wheel in from his op... The first chap was already back from his knee operation and now the next one was back... He'd told us he'd got a hernia in one of his testicles..."swelled up to this big" (I'll leave that bit to your imagination!)- he was still under and looked a bit pale. Not really surprising eh?!

And so we were all done. Helen brought the car round and we set off into the Nottingham rush hour traffic.

Since being home all sorts of things have gone through my head. I'm glad to say most of it positive, brought on by a positive experience at the hospital I assume. The pain is not good and I'm struggling but that is to be expected. The anaesthetic has pretty much worn off- that was making me really groggy. I guess the worst bit now is having to stop myself doing stuff and relying on the others. I've probably said it before but I'm not so good at sitting about. Looks like I shall have to force myself because I need this to heal correctly and strongly. The one thing I feel was missing from Nottingham was any advice about the dos and don'ts now I am out. What can I do now? What can I do in a week? Is there anything I should be doing to help the healing process apart from rest? Even if it was someone simply saying do nowt for 10 days then do lots of walking... That would be of use because I'd have a target. Anyway, for now I'm happy enough shuffling about getting in the way. Already missing my bike especially cos the weathers picked up a bit but the worst bit.... Well the worst bit is..... I've not had a poo for 3 days and I'm scared of straining against my new stitches!

So, next stop for me on this blog? That'll be the sepsis convention down that London. It's all written up...I'll keep you posted.

ADDENDUM:
Ok so today, Saturday I've overdone it. There. I've admitted it. I'm stupid. I woke at 6- couldn't get back to sleep and so I've been shuffling round the house ever since. It's now 2130 and I'm feverish, tired, dizzy, tummy hurts :(
Helen has properly told me off... Not taking my meds regularly (morning and night is regular isn't it?) not having a lie down and generally getting in the way. Ok so I decided to sort out the DVDs today (like you do) maybe that wasn't the best thing to do.
So beginning tonight I'm doing as my nursey wife tells me. Tomorrow should be easy as its the Tour of Flanders....5 hrs of cycling on the telly. YAY!
I'm hoping my kids will be doing the Sunday roast, so all bases are covered.
To be completely honest this recuperating is really boring. I've been so bored today. Bored, bored, bored. Must try and behave ;-)

the bruising since this was taken is horrendous!

Year End?

My dearest reader, I'm so sorry to have ignored you for SO long!

This, I assure you, is a good thing: If I've not written in here, things must be okay. Well, thinking back over the last 3 months, I guess they have been fairly normal for me... maybe uneventful would be a better description.

Well, like a rolling snowball, things are gathering is size and now speed and I sit here at 3.28 am in a hotel room typing for your entertainment as my head is filled with crap again.
To explain and list wtf is going on...

1. just ran the Gainsborough 10k last weekend
2. been writing my speech for the Sepsis Conference
3. working like a Trojan
4. another event this weekend...hopefully
5. my operation is T minus 5 days and counting

Right that's my list of what I need to discuss to bring you back up to speed. Looking at it, there is more on there than I expected so here goes!

So, Gainsborough 10k. Lovely little run and an event I am recommending to anyone who enjoys a good 10k. I will go so far as to say it is a better event than the Lincoln 10k and I think it's strength is in it's size. There's about 800 runners on this course so for all you competitive types, a PB is extremely possible on this course. What is enjoyable about it is that it's run by enthusiasts and not 'people out to make money from an event'- organised and run (excuse the pun) by runners for runners which is how it should be. It's now in its second year and yes improvements have been made PLUS it didn't rain this year which is always a bonus! So, how did I get on I hear you ask... wellllllll, I've not done much running this year. In fact I've only run once since the Santa Run and that was a few weeks ago now... boy were my thighs stiff afterwards. Cycling and running DEFINITELY use different muscle groups! OUCH! I've been out alot, so I have been keeping my fitness up, just more cycling than running. Having said that if I'm honest I don't feel as fit as I should do purely because

• I'm not spinning or at the gym at the moment because of my bloody hernia and
• the weather on the whole this year has been so awful hasn't it. I think we've had possibly 2 maybe 3 days for decent weather at weekends to get out properly without either sleet and crazy winds (and yes, I've cycled in both- I don't recommend it but as I always tell myself, it's good training weather!)

So, back to Gainsborough- weather was looking dodgy but it held out as did I. With my compression top on yet again (I'll talk about these later) I'd also picked up some recovery tights. Again, these are a compression thing which are supposed to aid recovery of muscles etc after running or whatever. Looking at the reviews they seemed to work and alot of people were recommending them. So because I'd not trained as much (running, that is) I reckon these will help for the rest of the week... and they did. They seemed to make a massive difference, so if you're considering compression recovery tights- go for it. they aren't cheap but worth every penny. The ones I got are Skins RY400.

This year I ran on my own which is fine. I just plug my iPod in and off I go. Just on the subject of iPods- usually i'd use my iPhone but since upgrading to the 5 and it being a bigger phone, this is getting less possible so I now take a Shuffle. Apple's phone needs to shrink not get bigger...it'll soon be the same size as and iPad...sorry, off topic there.

Anyway, great run, very enjoyable. Better than the Lincoln 10 as it's not crowded. Okay the views are not the same but it is nice to run in the countryside plus no cobbles!! As for my time, I managed 1 hr 15 secs. Happy with that plus I felt good. Due to lack of training I was a little apprehensive how I'd do, but all was good PLUS a great finishers bag at the end. Now, these can vary in quality. 'Big' races for example will give you a medal, bottle of water and a load of crap from cheapskate sponsors. This bag was well thought out: medal, leaflets from local businesses, water, running gloves (brilliant!) Mini Cheddars, Mars bar and I'm sure other small items- really well thought out!

Just as a note and a bit of a self indulgent one, this event was the first event that literally no one wished me luck. Now, I usually post something on Facebook which I did- beginning and end and not a single 'like' or sarcastic comment.... I was a bit upset to tell you the truth. Even my bloody daughters couldn't be arsed! Never mind eh it's only Dad slogging his guts out again. The fact that I do this to stay alive is neither here nor there. Focus Phil... remember, your'e doing this for YOU, not them.... am I?

Right, moving on or in my case, limping on- despite the compression tights, legs have been bloody stiff for the last couple of days and an impromptu 30 miles out on the bike because the weather was nice, probably didn't help! Well, I'd a couple of hours free and so had a mate of mine so off we went! It was also an opportunity to clear my head as I'd been writing my speech for the Sepsis Conference and I was bringing up all sorts of demons and making me upset one minute, angry the next. I've never written a 20-25 minute speech before. Thank goodness I have this blog to refer to or so much detail would have gone. Well, not exactly, it would have just taken  twice as long to put the speech together.

I'd got a large chunk of it written a week or two ago and I'd asked a [trusted] friend to have a look to make sure I wasn't spouting a load of rubbish. I didn't want to show Helen yet as I was embarrassed plus I didn't want to upset her as well as me. Frank gave the first bit the green light saying keep going. It's a nice honest style and should hit them between the eyes. Good! That was what I wanted and I hope it does. So last week I tried to finish it and I couldn't. As I looked at the page all the words just jumbled up. I didn't think I could finish it. I turned my computer off. Nearly Phil Crow was back. Grumpy. Can't sleep. Crying. Oh joy!

Returning to the speech after the 10k I managed to complete it but I was a mess. All sorts of memories had been stirred up. Do I really need to put myself through this again? Well, yes. This is for the cause. This is for all the people sepsis and hospitals and shit surgeons have killed. For the families that have lost people to this condition and for all the consultants that don't understand. Hang on though. Do they actually want to understand? Do they want to listen to what I have to say? Do they care enough? Well, I do and I'm gonna give it a bloody good go at shaking them up. Back to the tale and I decided to ring Lynn and get her opinion. This was the first time I'd read it out loud. Yes I felt embarrassed. I cried alot. I didn't think I'd manage and I certainly began to have second thoughts. BUT having discussed it with Lynn and a couple of edits, it began to come together. So much so, I read it to Helen and I managed to get through to the penultimate paragraph with no tears. I didn't dare look up at her though. Not 'til I'd finished! So with that, my biography and abstract written, I seem to be ready. I just hope they are. Also, with all that the speech has brought up, I've begun to bang on about sepsis quite alot on Twitter. Over the last few weeks I've really gone for it on this, PTSD, ICU and so on. Dunno what's got into me. Think I need to bloody well cheer up that's what I reckon. Nearly Phil Crow is back as the sepsis bore. Only my closest friends are prepared to put up with me so I've kind of withdrawn quite a bit and with my every waking moment filled with the thought of next weeks operation, I try to function in the 'normal' world as if everything is normal.

Okay, so work. this is tied in with the operation. What i mean is because I've got to take most of April off I've been trying to prepare for this so I've been working as much as I can and luckily the work has been there. It's not been easy at all. My job can be very physical and so to compensate for the hernia in an attempt to function normally, not rely on others and not make said hernia worse, compression tops have made all the difference.

Shameless plug and I'm sadly not on commission BUT if anyone out there wants a recommendation, get the Equmen ones. I use the vests and they are brilliant. Even their size guide is accurate! Whilst I'm on this topic, for cycling and running I use an old Castelli long sleeve base layer which has some compression (sorry, no link to this as it's years old and not made any more) and a Skins A200 long sleeve compression top. Note- make sure you shop around. the Skins products are expensive but you'll find cheaper prices on Ebay, Amazon etc. Don't go for other makes- these are expensive for a reason... they work and they work well!

Back to the work and I'm completing as much as I can...March is always a steady month as alot of companies are using up end of year budgets. What i'm trying not to do is take on anything for after the operation... well look what happened last time and I don't want to tempt fate. (I have committed to the Sepsis Conference and that's mid April- think I need to ask someone to deputise for me just in case) Having said that I've been approached to do a number of commissions already for late April and beyond.... as usual i say "yes" because I can't afford not to: if I don't, people go elsewhere and don't necessarily come back! Vicious circle!! BUT, what state am I going to be in? I have no idea how I will be after this op. I don't know when I'll be in any sort of state to do anything...work, cycle...even just function day to day. It's a complete unknown and I am shit scared. No, really, you have no idea how scared I am. Scared of the hospital, scared of the operation, scare of the outcome, scared of dying, scared of surviving, scared of getting better, scared of how I will be, scared of when I'll be allowed to cycle again, scared I'll get no backup from the hospital with physio, scared to know when I'll be fit for work! There. I've said it. Is that enough for you!

I sem to have skipped point 4. This is because it's sort of linked to the above rant insomuch as my almost obsession with keeping my strength to survive the operation. The Cheshire Cat is the first cycle event of the year and this year is no exception PLUS there are 5 of us going. Hang on, no, now there are 4...Andy's back is knackered and he's not allowed to cycle for more than an hour at a time- doctor's orders..... it seems we're all falling apart! The latest news is the event has now been POSTPONED to July! FFS!!! Don't they realise I NEED to do this ride. For my sanity. For my fitness. For my life! Ok, ok, clam! The reason it's postponed is bad weather so it makes sense. I'm just so pissed off with the weather at the moment as it really is stopping me/us getting some miles in our legs and if I don't get some miles in my legs I can't clear my head. Yes, I go on the turbo but I can only manage up to an hour whereas out on the road...well, it's different. The road is what it's all about.

So, that seems to be you updated. It's now 5am and I'm gonna sign off. I'm currently sat in a hotel room in Grantham as I'm working here in the morning so I'd better get some kip, though it'll probably be dozing in front of the news. No doubt you will hear from me within the week. If you don't, assume the worst...

Welcome to 2013

First 30 miles in my legs on Jan 1st. Hernia not helping and sticking to flattish route for now. Still no sign of an operation date... hoping for mid-march.
Of course now having this in my mind all the time it's affecting everything. To list:
Work. Got to prepare and pull in as much work in the next 10 weeks as I can to allow for the time off from the op

• Play. Can't gym (too much strain on the rip) but luckily can cycle. Funnily enough, I can run which is a bonus so might do a bit of that too. This knocks on to...
• Events. A sub section of Play. I'm signed up for 3 events so far...one of which is a sprint tri... well that's not gonna happen anytime soon so will have to try to defer that one. Then of course there is the event I've been waiting for. Originally thought this one was a biannual...and it's not! Bugger!! Paris-Roubaix Challenge is the event I'm after and it's gonna have to wait to 2014, so here's the plan... train for that event this year. Everything will be focussed on that.
• In the mean-time, energy is being currently built to get me through the operation. Heart rate, breathing rate, fitness... all needed for this. I've got to be good to get through it. This leads finally to
• Head. My head. How the f do I cope with this happening. Building up my strength is all I can do and hopefully some physical strength will help with my frame of mind. 

That's the plan for now and so far so good. January is it's usual shite month. Worry, Sod all work about, Tax, MOT... want any more...no thanks! Out on my bike tomorrow then Monday will be back to the grindstone...speak to some people and hope for the best. Also got a training course this month...should be good. There you go, I've actually ended on a positive note. Go me!!

Oh I've just remembered...training course...middle of Soho perfectly planned to coincide with the London Bike Show :)
When is the course? 0900-1800
When is the Bike Show? 1000-1800
bugger.

Oh well, Rapha is just round the corner... that'll do... Oh, or maybe not. Maybe they heard I was coming to town- and I quote,

"The Rapha Cycle Club London will be temporarily shutting down in January for important maintenance and refurbishment. Closed from Sunday 30th December 2012, doors will reopen on Monday 4th February 2013."

As Keith Lemon would say..."Tossors!"

Speaking publicly

Now there's a turn up for the books... I've been asked to speak at a conference on Sepsis down in London: Saving Lives- Sepsis Conference, April 2013

I've been asked to set the scene for the day from a patient perspective of the impact sepsis can have and how important it is for clinicians to adhere to the guidelines on recognising and responding to sepsis. 

"If you can tell your story, including the good aspects and the areas that could have been improved for you and your family eg how was sepsis explained to you at the time, what could have helped you in you recovery etc and the impact it has had on your life since – but also remind people that for many the outcome can be much worse."

This came about because of a story published with the Sepsis Alliance. 

Now I've never spoken in public before- let alone to a room full of medical consultants, so it's gonna be a big ask. Luckily, some friends will be coaching me and hopefully I won't get too emotional (I always do when I talk about it) though I think doing this will do me some good. It's time these professionals realised what happens on the other side when 'survivors' leave hospital as they never find out because they have to move on to the next patient.

I think it also important to bring to their attention the 'fallout' that occurs and I don't just mean PTSD but the financial side (certainly for the self employed) such as critical illness insurance not covering, in my case, sepsis or acute pancreatitis PLUS the fact I was not taken seriously by the Financial Ombudsman.

So 2013 should be an interesting year... let's hope that works out as interesting in a good way.

Nottingham Ho!

It seems occasionally the NHS creates a system that actually works. NHS Book and Choose is one of those things that makes sense AND more importantly...works! I was referred by my GP to Nottingham, the appointment, web ref and password all came through which allowed me to swap my date (due to work) with no bother at all! Wow!
So on the 7 December my wife and I nipped over to Nottingham City Hospital. I was pretty much wound up over all this... so many what ifs in my head. I'd spoken to my counsellor at length about it all and "it's natural to be so anxious after your last ordeal"... Great. That helped. Thanks luv! "but it is a different hospital. A hospital you have confidence in." True but what if...
She was right. But I was still unsure. I know I need to have this op. I know this hospital looked after Scarlett brilliantly when she had her operations [for scoliosis] so what's my problem. Kinda obvious really isn't it!
Anyway, we got there- late- eventually found outpatients and got whizzed straight in (probably because we were late!)
"Would you mind if a couple of our students examine you first? They've got their finals this afternoon."
"Bring it on. Yes that's fine!!"
The poor sods... like lambs to the slaughter
"So Mr Crow, can you give us a little of your history as to why you are here today."
"You want the short or long version?"
"Erm, long please."
So they got it. With both barrels. By the time I'd finished they had the usual expression I've grown accustomed to... jaw on the floor, not saying much.
So they had a prod and a poke and they umm'd and ahh'd made a bit of smalltalk (must have been taught to do that at Uni!) and went off to write it up.
Next, we got a visit from the Consultant's Registrar(?) who had a read of the notes supplied by the students (can you believe they didn't have my noted from Lincoln!) and asked a few more questions, then decided Mr Ubhi needed definitely to see me.

Let's check him out...

Mr Charanjeit Singh Ubhi

Consultant Surgeon

• Sub-specialties:Gallbladder surgery, Hernia inguinal, Laparoscopy, Thyroid Surgery
• GMC membership number:2386450
• Date of registration:01 Aug 1977
• Grade of clinical excellence award:Level 9 What is this?
• Email:c.ubhi@nuh.nhs.uk

I am a trained General Surgeon undertaking gastrointestinal, endocrine and laparoscopic surgery. Due to clinical demands, in the last few years the majority of my in-patient activity has been in thyroid, parathyroid and adrenal surgery. I maintain my general interests with day case surgery performing laparoscopic and open procedures with cholecystectomy. inguinal and incisional hernia procedures forming the major components. I have an active role in training junior staff in surgery and Higher Surgical Training. I have a much wider remit for training in my role as Regional Specialty Adviser.

Hmm, not bad... looks like he should understand all the sh*t I've been through. Good bedside manner and gave direct answers with no skirting around the issue. I'm going to need open surgery due to the previous surgeries in that area for him to repair the hernia. This might not remove all the pain I have in that area but it will certainly repair the hernia (other pains could be caused by surgical adhesions but he was only to repair the hernia)- this is a less serious operation in the respect that it's 'surface' and they do not go right in through the peritoneum, only dealing with the muscle wall. Well that's how I understood it!
Effects? Well, probably an overnight stay, then home (I've been here before- or not, if you get me!) and TOTAL REST- not even driving, lifting a thing- for 2 weeks followed by a SLOW integration back into work and general shenanigans.... so it's pretty much like having a cesarian. Well that's work buggered up for a month- possibly two! Great  -_-
Next we went off for pre-op... questionnaire, blood pressure, general Q&A with another nurse who was nice and quite helpful- always a bonus!
Oh, forgot to say, OI asked Mr Ubhi about cans and can'ts and his answer was "I never stop my patients doing anything before surgery. Be sensible and listen to your body. If it hurts, stop." JESUS! Specialist subject, the bleedin obvious or what!
So, dear reader you again will witness the shittiness of this Government and how self employed people are looked after. Well, they're not. It's that simple. Anyone else would be on sick pay. Me? Nowt... maybe claim some benefit after a ridiculous questionnaire but I've been here before and got nothing. Think we might have to explore the CAB this time.
So, where am I with all this at the moment... well, I'm wearing compression tops. These ones are great and they do help.

• Am I in pain? Yes but not all the time. 
• Can I do gym? No- it's too much and too much strain. 
• Can I cycle? Yes, I'm doing flat routes when the weather allows or on the turbo. 
• Can I run? Well, surprisingly, yes. I did the Santa run, expecting to walk and actually managed to run the course...comfortably! It's only 3.5km but considering I'd not run since the London 10k in July so I was happy with that (legs not so happy now!!)